August 21, 2011

letting go and taking hold

Every afternoon my heart breaks, while I hold my little girl after her nap, and she cries the saddest cry you've ever heard.  She doesn't want out of my arms during these times.  In fact, she wants to be as close to me as she can.  Her reception of our affections is a very good sign, and the fact that she misses her caretakers and previous life are good signs too.  If she has bonded before, she can do it again, and we are seeing this happen hour by hour, day by day, as she slowly, painstakingly lets go of the past and takes hold of us.  It is a fascinating process to be a part of, even as it taps all of us completely dry.
She is not the only one going through change.  Her sweet big brothers are taking all of this like champions.  We are so proud of them.  They are so kind to Jubilee, and so patient with her, too.  While she grieves, they continue to play near her on the rug.  We've talked extensively to them about what she is going through, and they consequently understand the uneasy feelings inside of themselves.  They know that time and love and G0D's faithfulness are making us into a family.

Today, after the tears subsided, Bright turned to me and said, "Is she done grieving for the day?"
"Yes, I think she is," I said.
Then Zion turned to me and said, "I think she's upset because her hair is so short."  I could only smile.  A bad haircut can, after all, bring any woman to tears.