February 05, 2011

she's out there somewhere

The tears for Jubilee have started to flow.  I am told there will be even more tears when we get matched with a real orphan - when we have her picture, details of her early life, height, weight, and temperament - but we have months before we can bring her home.

For now, all we have is the knowledge that we are in fact "logged in" to the system, which means we are weeks from being matched, which means we are somewhere around 7 months from meeting her.  There is no doubt now that she is out there somewhere.  Our little girl (the one person on this planet who Daniel will give away in marriage, who's hair I will comb through after baths, who's tights I will scrub and scrub to remove ground-in dirt at the knees) is living in an orphanage instead of at my skirts where she belongs.

It is killing me.

My mom says that the decision to have a child is the decision to forever let your heart walk around outside your body.  Never has that quote applied as it does now.