January 10, 2008

A Report From Training Camp

Today I learned that I am a green (or not-ripe) apple. I WANT to be ripe, but I can’t wish myself into ripeness. I can’t perform myself into ripeness. The only thing I can do is stay connected to the branch. J said, “I am the vine." If I hang here connected to Him long enough, I will mature.

I also learned why I am reactive. I’ve always known that I am reactive, I just haven’t known why. By reactive I mean, for example, getting mad when I stub my toe. After 27 years on this earth, you would think that toe-stubbing would no longer surprise me. But it does, and I react in ways that affect those around me. (Toe stubbing is just one example. Another would be spilling spaghetti sauce on a white shirt. I could go on and on). Today I learned that when I react in such circumstances, I am protesting the fall. I am refusing to accept reality. In order to be rid of this nasty behavior trait, I need to be reconciled with living in a fallen world.

So, maybe someday I will report that I am a reconciled red apple. But for now, I am – literally and figuratively – in training.

Now I must go. I have a balcony date with my husband. We plan to heat up some instant decaf mocha in the microwave and step out onto our balcony to watch the waves in the dark.