January 10, 2008
A Report From Training Camp
Today I learned that I am a green (or not-ripe) apple. I WANT to be ripe, but I can’t wish myself into ripeness. I can’t perform myself into ripeness. The only thing I can do is stay connected to the branch. J said, “I am the vine." If I hang here connected to Him long enough, I will mature.
I also learned why I am reactive. I’ve always known that I am reactive, I just haven’t known why. By reactive I mean, for example, getting mad when I stub my toe. After 27 years on this earth, you would think that toe-stubbing would no longer surprise me. But it does, and I react in ways that affect those around me. (Toe stubbing is just one example. Another would be spilling spaghetti sauce on a white shirt. I could go on and on). Today I learned that when I react in such circumstances, I am protesting the fall. I am refusing to accept reality. In order to be rid of this nasty behavior trait, I need to be reconciled with living in a fallen world.
So, maybe someday I will report that I am a reconciled red apple. But for now, I am – literally and figuratively – in training.
Now I must go. I have a balcony date with my husband. We plan to heat up some instant decaf mocha in the microwave and step out onto our balcony to watch the waves in the dark.
at 5:57 PM