Example of hilarious: Jarred's blogpost (below) from a couple of Autumns ago. You will laugh out loud, I promise.
Wednesday, Nov 4, 2009
"AMERICAN WHITE WOMEN AND THE FALL SEASON" by Jarred Jung
I always thought that Spring was the season of love and romance, and maybe it is for animals, but I have discovered that when autumn arrives, it is as if every 20 something American white woman comes out of hibernation and is dancing in the clouds. It really makes no sense to me why they love autumn so much, but I know that they all get excited like sorority girls on bid day. This excitement generally is centered around the availability of seasonal consumer products. Here are some things I noticed they get excited for in the fall:
1. Scented candles- mostly those that smell like apples
2. Colored leaves- in the Summer, when it makes sense to be oustide, they complain about bugs and sweat and nature. But in the fall, they have no problem walking around picking dead rotting leaves to decorate your house with.
3. Cold weather- Women who usually complain about being cold suddenly love it when that cold is associated with the arrival of fall. Forget that this change of weather also brings about the flu virus, they get to wear sweaters!
4. Christmas- I love Christmas… in December. These women turn Advent into a 3 month event and Target takes full advantage.
5. Pumpkin Spice ______ (you fill in the blank). The thing I find the most intriguing, more than anything else, is young American white women’s obsession with pumpkin spiced everything. Candles, pies, lattes, fruit dip, toilet paper, beer. I am convinced that if McDonald’s could make a pumpkin spiced McRib, 20 something white women everywhere would leave their hummus, run to the Golden Arches, and there would be a national shortage on whatever animal product that thing is made of and Diet Coke fountain syrup. If you hear that some company is thinking of making a pumpkin spice variety of whatever product they sell, buy stock… and futures for that matter.
I recently married a 20 something American white woman, so my life is no longer immuned to the love of fall. We cannot buy canned pumpkin here in East Asia, nor can we get lattes, so I thought I would have a free pass on this gourd obsession. However, my wife lives very close to another 20 something American white woman who told her where she could buy a pumpkin and how she could mine said pumpkin for its precious pumpkin meat and proceed I guess to “spice” it for whatever fall delight she desires. These women are like South Carolinians in deer season! Thus, I received a text message from Shelley on Monday that said “can you come downstairs and help me carry the pumpkin upstairs. It is too heavy for me.” And this is what we ended up with:
Now it doesn’t look like a pumpkin you would carve for Halloween, but who cares about pagan holidays when your pumpkin yields this much precious pumpkin meat? And by the way, we paid about $1.75 for this [pumpkin] baby.
But in order to use the pumpkin meat for pumpkin spiced stuff, you first have to “roast” the pumpkin, which involves slapping it onto a baking sheet and putting it in the oven…
Our oven barely held the pumpkin. You literally just put it in the oven until the meat is soft, just like a baked potato. And come to think of it, this thing is about the same size as one of those baked potatoes at McAlister’s.
And the result… let’s just say its a good thing they don’t sell
Eggos here because our freezer now[is packed]…with bags and bags of
frozen pumpkin. Whoever is going to eat this much pie is beyond me, and the idea of
putting that in your 4 dollar coffee is gross, but to my wife, it is
downright delicious. One piece of advice I received from my old man
before I was married that I have always strived to keep since being
married: happy wife, happy life, and nothing says lovin to a 20
something American white woman like 20 pounds of fall obsession.
for more go to: http://jarredandshelley.blogspot.com/2009/11/american-white-women-and-fall-season.html
